It's my curiosity

Mundane

2011-05-27T07:21:00.000-07:00

Wow.. It's mid year already. Time really flies.. Over the past few months, I have been pondering over whether I should continue to be active in my CCA. If yes, I am restricted to many involvements. If no, it would be totally waste of time. I would rather spend more time on other CCAs. However, my heart is always attached to odac. It is the fruit of my labour. I have strong feelings towards it. But the feelings seem hollow without my batch of ppl. We are now separated. :(( Miss them so much. I hope that we can to be together again and venture beyond our limits. Haiz.. Not confident that I can fully integrate into this new batch of ppl. It does not seem to be mutual. It is very difficult..

Now the examinations have begun. I am just worried about my Economics. It is a subject not easy to master. Haizz.. Will the results be like the past? I hope i can achieve something great this year. This year feels mundane. Everything is just a replication of the past. The difference is just the people that I interact with.

It seems to everyone that I have changed. I am no longer the old form of me. Yes, just recently I notice the change of me. My attitude, my behaviour and my perspectives have somehow changed. I have become a different person. A person i would rather say difficult to make friend with. I have high expectations of my surroundings.. haiz.. dont know why. Unsure about what causes the change of me. The change in odac? The change of environment? The change of lifestyle? What?

So far, i have not achieved anything.. Just really mundane. Nothing interesting about this year yet. Haiz.. Birthday was over. That's what i expected. A mundane one.

Social Downturn

2011-03-20T08:08:00.000-07:00

The widening of gap between my circle of close friends and me has gone a huge jump. :( Probably because of my retention. I don't feel good. I could not freely express my thoughts and feelings to anyone. I'm self-locked. Even though I have made new friends this year, but the human interactions are not that mutual yet as if something is missing whenever there is an urge to disclose.

I think I'm losing them fast. I'm a loser then.

Haiz.. I dont know how to deal with him.. i dont like the feeling of being obstructed. I have long since had this 'hatred'. Maybe it's not hatred. Just some misunderstanding or repulsion. Hence, I can't really express myself in that circle. It was a great friendship initially but as time went past, things would change.

Do you think we can joke around again in near future? haiz..

I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE THEM. It's sad. Time is running fast, it doesn't wait for me or you.

A whole new set of resolutions

2011-01-22T07:04:00.001-08:00

A brand new year, a brand new story.

Although it may seem commonplace, but i hope i will enjoy and strive hard for this year. I want to maximise the insatiability of advantages for this year. Learn new experiences and digest lots of knowledge!

Got to work really work!

Started the year with many things to do. Holding on different types of task. Hope that everything will go smoothly and end well!

Waiting for a brand new year's arrival

2010-12-26T06:11:00.001-08:00

Days left before 2010 ends. A year with much sorrows while excitement. Hoping that next year will be better and blissful. But afraid that it will be a boring one. Friends will be staying apart from me, I guess? A brand new year with a total brand new beginning. Remake and rebond. Haiz..

Love may be sweet and joyous but it may be hurtful and frustrating. Lingering with it without any efforts and progression will be the most tiring burden to have.I'm just tired. I'm abnormal. Many restrictions beyond restrictions. Hope that 2011 is peaceful.

I confess that 2010 is the year which I made a lot of friends and even became good friends of many. However, some existing relationships have already been sacrificed. Maybe that's life? A day with only 24 hours. I can't possibly spend enough time with each different groups of friends. I have to watch over other things too. A busy year indeed.

Haiz.. I'm sceptical whether this group of friends will be with me throughout the life journey, since i will evidently be separated from them soon. I just have to wait and watch..

Not much great achievements made this year, instead there are more setbacks. Other than the HK Expedition and made whole lots of friends, nothing much left for me to say.

A new path ahead, does not mean that i will have a better future. I have just made a choice in my education pathway and I'm not certain that it will benefit me. If it really doesn't, my future will be a rocky one. I don't have much choices here, as there are not much areas for great developments. Furthermore, the subject that i have changed, it's not really what im interested in. I have no feelings with the financial world there. Haiz.. Have i made a wrong choice? Or should i have stayed with the initial decision?

I just want to have a brand new exciting yearrrrr.......

Wait till restart

2010-10-17T10:52:00.000-07:00

May a new story to be begun or following with a sequel?

I just have to wait. I'm all prepared for the worst. Everything in life has advantages and disadvantages. However, they depend on one's perception and presumption.

Currently, I am not having a congenial period. JC blues are all over me. I would want to apologise to all my friends and my loved ones for being willful, ignorant, and rebellious. Thank you for being by my sides and to care for me. I hope you could continue to have faith in me and understand and to withstand me. I think I may continue this for a while more. Being alone is my best solution. Give me some time to recuperate from this awful and atrocious experience. I will try not to rake and think about the past.

I'm waiting..

Hope to see a better 2011.

Deadliest, Grave, Unintended Choice ever in Life

2010-10-11T04:25:00.000-07:00

My qualities and personalities are totally way out the rule of being a pres. I'm not suitable for it. Totally not. But why am i the one then? Why?? This is a grave mistake in life. Choosing something which does not fit would ruin your life.

Gone! My whole life is now affected. Should i get promoted or not, I will never be the person that I would use to be. I'm almost dead. I'm numbered. In a few more days, I'm departing. Would i regret?

Maybe my life should end here. My hopes and goals are diminishing and vanishing.

An Idiot

2010-10-07T04:27:00.001-07:00

I just thought a way to end. And it's quite painless. Suffocation. When feeling tired, just cover up, and on the way..

I have gone to the maximum limit. Can't. I'm an useless person. I'm an A student who could do well in scoring all Us. Why is this world so unfair?? Everything should work equally the same. Why can't? Maybe I'm just an obstacle in proceeding on. It's me, myself, not allowing things to go on track with the world. I'm just a loner.

Now, I have nowhere to go. If can't proceed, I think I really give up on education. Education is pointless when a system does not work with people's capability. I just can't work well. Why is the maximum points 20? This is killing those who are not academically well. Insane!

Ok, not to blame anyone. I'm just Stupid!!! Stupid! Most Stupid student on Earth. Useless!!

Everyday, I have been thinking ways which i could end. Just something peaceful, or instant.

I'm just alone. I'm a nobody. Nobody has ever understood me. Not a single soul. Not even the close ones.. noo..

Dilemma

2010-10-02T10:09:00.000-07:00

Amidst of the daunting examinations, feeling of relinquishing falls upon me. Indeed, it's arduous for me.

Changing paths maybe beneficial for me or it may be just facile. Stuck in a dilemma again. Or just remain status quo, then start again.

I'm just impotent to influence the current predicament.

I yearn to proceed on. However, it seems resistive. I feel lost. Everything seems derailed. Should I just let go? I have no choice then. This is life. We are born into a system. We are on the conveyor belt. This is not easy to stifle but must learn to grapple.

I will see myself positioned in November. Hope to have a congenial month.

Indelible Night

2010-09-17T08:26:00.000-07:00

A night which i went real mad and angry. I almost got a stroke. I was in tears while screaming. My whole body was shivering uncontrollably. My head turned red and fury. It was burning hot.

True words are finally disclosed. Almost everything, which was bottling me up for years, was finally be known. I felt relieved albeit being guilty. I vented and rebuked at my loved ones. The whole thing was an unpleasant one. Besides that, I introspected a tad. I realised that im just a loser. Everything wouldn't go smooth and impeccable under my helm and in my hands. I have disappointed many. I just hate the sight of my college, i would feel disgusted. But I love my friends.

At that point of time, I turned 'emo'.. I just felt that to annihilate all frustrations is to end. I attempted. Being a 'psychologist', I envisaged and then escaped amicably. It was a close shave of acting inane. I had a turned over, hoping that is a new born.

Today, a bad dawn morning. I still couldn't put it down. Every second,I thought back. I hid in a serene place in the compound and isolated myself for peace and calm. I 'secreted water'. Both turned red. Relieved. Waited to turn back to its original colour before retreating back.

I gained back my self. I felt triumph. *seems dubious* I just moved ahead, not to think about this incident again...

Alone.

2010-09-01T09:44:00.000-07:00

am numbered..

Just can't get my head into studies. Lots of frustrations around. Really sometimes, i hope i should just end.

I have been wondering why things are so contentious. Why things would turn out to be sophisticated?

Haiz.. Have been considering are there real friends ou there? I dont want to have friends anymore. Im greedy. I want to have best friends. I really need them now. I miss you guys!

Distance has gone far. Too late. Runaway train never comes back.

I dont like the ways I have been leading. However, Im not sure why i cant just express my feelings out. I have been wearing masks all along...

Nvm, if i cant take it, I know that's my ultimate limit, I know it's time to end.

The phrase 'Never give up' is gone..

Hanging by a Thread

2010-08-20T09:07:00.000-07:00

Dead. Somehow dead. The world is not suitable for me. No one knows what im thinking about. No one could understand me. I'm dead. Wouldn't want to revive.

I'm catching my breath badly. I'm drowning.

I just could not take it anymore. I just need a person who could understand me and help me out. I just passed away.

Let me go.

Usurpation and Discretion

2010-08-14T08:19:00.000-07:00

Haiz..

Another negative post.. feeling apologetic.

HEY!! Can you all do something?? I am really sick of doing all these. Can you all just initiate without any prompts given?? Why always me?? Can't you just use your discretion without any commands?

Usurpation...

I'm really angry.. why cant you just let finish my piece before you comment? You are making the whole thing belligerent!! Cant you have the basic respect??

I'm really tired. Why are things inexhaustible? I wanna die le. Life really sucks. I wanna peace. PEACE!!

I have been thinking that the world is always round. But in actual fact it's not. I have been too naive. Thinking that everything that's a way out. But not here. A world of knots. I'm suffocating. I'm breathless. Enough..

When will the world end? When will there be a new world born? I just want to have a peaceful mind now.

I cant reassure things now. I cant bring things into a consensus. No hope le?

Haiz.. I dont think i can get there. I dont think i can survive beyond that.

Disappointment. Anger. Unproductivity. Confusion. Tedious. Mundane.

State of Emergency

2010-07-25T06:17:00.000-07:00

-Exhausted
-Frustration
-Hatred
-Stressed
-Total depression

I want freedom! I hate life!! Life is unfair. I will die if there is no alleviation. I need someone. Someone who can stand besides me and listen to my thoughts. Someone who really cares for me. Someone who I can trust.

How?? These few days im somehow losing the camaraderie with my friends, whom I have alwayd been hung out with. Getting into a state of emergency already. I want to reactivate the whole system again.

The entire of this week is really bad. Not much improvement made so far. Didn't revise and do much work for the week except for monday. Horrible and disappointing.

I'm not sure whether i still could take it or not. I may just collapse. I'm losing my sense of belonging already.

I'm still worried about the operations of odac.

Guilt and Resentment

2010-07-13T08:41:00.000-07:00

I am posting another negative emotional post again. :( Getting back the papers is not a very pleasant activity. With high expectations of myself, I didn't get the results that i wanted to have. In fact, the results turned out to be a mockery. Haiz.. sigh again! However, this is indisputable that im not well prepared for the examinations. Furthermore, I can blame on the waning time management that i have for my examinations. Never attempt all questions is ridiculous, yet getting used to it since my primary school days.

Thinking back: what on earth have i been doing before the examinations. LTC, PW, ODAC,.. and of course outings. Procrastination also comes into play. These are the factors that lead into one main consequence which is to get guilt and resentment out of it. Despicable me! lol.

However, thinking optimistically, this manifestation really helps to boost my awareness to study harder. I dont wish to retain albeit yearning to in the early part of the journey. Haha.. stubborn! Endurance again, my value in studying in a JC. Moreover, what's done is done.

Have been thinking on why i am the president? If im not an exco member, i may be doing well. However, I love to lead. I want to gain more experiencemy let in leadership. I did not get into the council in seocndary school due to my foot injury at that time.

It's not an easy job to be the president. Very hectic lifestyle. Everyone will just approach you whenever they have problems or things to execute. Every nitty-gritty of the operations is so a nuisance. Dont really like to have these minor things settled just by me...

Ok, the agenda is to get my subjects prepared well for the promos which are just two months' time! Get my head into the academics sector!!!

Recently, I found out that I like to sleep!! LOL! That's weird. Last time, I object the importance of sleeping. Now, i realise it's wonderful to have 8 hours of sleep. Otherwise, I will fall sick. Once im in jc, I have been visiting the clinic often due to bad cough and flu. I have a poor respiratory system; with a sensitive nose and windpipe..

I just want to have a break! I'm exhausted! I'm stressed! I want to study well.. Would I break down?? Just hope to be happy all the times!

Poignancy

2010-06-20T05:23:00.000-07:00

Holidays are ending soon! Mid-years are coming closer!
Many things yet to be accomplished!
Haiz!! These few days have been slacking much. With little revision done, Im still procrastinating. Maths and physics are not yet 'touched'! What's this!! Maybe life sucks. Cant be blamed! I really hope to study well. But... distracted and frustrated. World Cup, PW,... Hai..

PW is an insane subject! Can i just neglect it?? But i cant be selfish. Have to think of my team mates. This really making a huge burden for me to carry. Hate it!!! Many things to be done. Have to rush for deadlines...

Nowadays, hate to have this feeling. Am i too soft-hearted or what? Too kind? Not being austere? Hai.. I hate to be insulted!! Many misunderstandings around. But I just let them go. I just 'admitted' everything. I dont really want to hurt anyone. Just let me be. If not, the whole process wouldn't be smooth and happy. I have to tolerate and just endure... no other choices left. But why?? I dont really understand you. Why?? I thought you were different. Oh just forget it. I dont really wish to continue with it. Otherwise im brainless! I would never be like you. Jump into conclusion without knowing. So self-centred!!! There are many things that you dont know or maybe you just didnt realise or whatever shit. I also had enough.

Maybe its solely my fault. Sorry. I just want to be harmonious. I want to have a successful happy ending, that's all. Just only that. Really.

Oh well.. yup. I have changed my template! This time round is a simple one without any much adversity on doing that. Haha.. Hope to have a better one next time.

Hectic life!!

2010-05-26T01:25:00.001-07:00

It's a long time since i have posted something here. I am now a busy person who have inadequate amount of time to spend on my hobbies. I miss my secondary school life. haiz. Nowadays, I am too committed with many events such as CIP, races, CCA, and so on. These are too much. I can't concentrate on my academics for the time being. I WANT MY JUNE HOLIDAYS NOW!!! I want to study!!! Hahaa. this is hilarious. Who in this world would yearn to study during the holidays. But i just want to study!! I just want to do well in school. Hahaa.. I also want to enjoy sports. I want to play something now!!! I want to have my life back. I want my sleep!!! I want to eat healthily!!! I want to shop!!! I want ... ...

No choice! I have chosen this path. I have to endure all the way. Haiz..

PJC

2010-02-13T04:29:00.000-08:00

Wow! It has been more than three months since i ever blogged. Time passed very fast. My 'O's were over, results were out, and now im in PJC. I am not satisfied with my 'O's' results, i was very upset on that day which results were out. However, with the comforts from my friends, teacher and my family, I finally pulled myself up and went ahead to the route of junior college life.

During last December, I went back to Hong Kong to stay with my uncle and my cousins for more than two weeks. It was really exciting and fun during the stay. I went to the Disneyland there, which is quite small and not much of excitement, but i really like the live performances.

Last month, the posting result was out, and i was posted to PJC. I chose Pj rather than JJ as I feel that PJ's campus is much more newer than JJ's. However, personally, I prefer to choose a college which is nearer to my house as i know that I will end my activities in JC very late. Also, I can sleep longer. I remembered when i was in HY, I have to wake up very early in the morning to catch a bus to school, and on the way, there were always traffic congestions. The journey to school also takes about 30 to 40 minutes long. Imagine i have to pick JJ as my tertiary institution, i have to travel over a longer distance than the distance travelled to HY.

Hooh.. Two weeks of orientation in PJ were over, and im now missing my MG and the camp with my OG. Ya, i want to thank all the OGLs who lead my MG and OG!!! It was really a good time that we spent together. I really missed my MG very much. That was the first group of friends that I made in PJ. However, we are not destined to be classmates. Im sure everyone in MG08 anticipated to be classmates. Unfortunately, we have different goals, and we chose different subject combinations which resulted in different class allocations.

In addition to the orientation, I love the dances in PJ. I hope I can dance again( I mean now). The mass dance, cute dance, and fun dance. !!! Definitely, I am hoping to have more excitements and fun for the whole of two years in JC. Hope that all of us in S17 will be united together, and our friendships will bond hard(LOL) and strengthened.

Today is Chinese New Year's eve, and I am so happy that I am able to quit my job. I am so exhausted to work and at the same time to attend school. Furthermore, I love to exercise and play sports. Where could i get enough energy and time to cope with all these activities. Sianz.. Somemore, I love to sleep. (Finally, i understand the importance to have the desire to sleep)

Ok, thats all for today, i will be posting something again next time. Lectures will be begun next week. Whoo.. finally can study and get the stress. LOLOL. Actually who would want to have the stress!!!

Counting down to the end of November

2009-09-11T05:02:00.001-07:00

My O level examinations are just around one and the half month away. I feel the stress and pressure all coming over to me. I tell myself just to bear with them for a while and after the exams, it's time for me to enjoy life to the fullest. I have planned what to do after the exams and that is a long list.

On the other hand, I also have to plan on my revision schedule. I have to seize the short period of time to revise very hard to get my desired results and hence, my desired school. However, when thought of Physics, I'm not sure what am I going to do with it. The subject to me is quite challenging, I am dubious on how to revise it. Should I do the assessment book? Or should I do more past year exam papers? Or I just have to read up the textbook? *sigh*

All right, I'm just have to buck up and start intense mugging. I have to score distinction no matter what. Otherwise, like what my mom said: If you don't work hard now, you will regret in the future.

-----

Today is the eighth anniversary of the attack. Let's commemorate the people who had died innocently eight years ago. You should know what had happened. Let's just pray for one minute by just keeping quiet and remember how sad and depressed the families of the victims were on that year. (People who had died instantly or otherwise in building fires, planes crashed, collapsed of the two towers...)

I remember that I was traumatised when first heard of the news and watched the actual footage of the incident eight years ago although I was then a little kid.

-----

A few days ago when I took a SMRT bus home, I saw something hanging (some electrical appliance and wires) near the ceiling of the bus. (which just hung freely from the fluorescent bulb casing) The passenger sitting just below that thing was uncomfortable with it, he was afraid that anytime that thing would just fall and hit him. Btw, that thing was swinging tremendously while the bus moved. It was quite dangerous.

I have taken some pictures of it.

Have you taken a bus that has this kind of condition? To add on, looking at the design in the exterior and interior, I think the bus that I boarded was an old bus. Although it was installed with air-conditioners, it was still freaking warm inside. I saw many passengers were perspiring and even some took out a book or a stack of papers to fan themselves. There was even a man who went forward to the bus captain to request for a decrease in temperature of the air-con.

Furthermore, whenever the bus stopped at the bus-stop or the traffic lights, it will vibrate vigorously. This is more evident when the seats were not taken. I witnessed many commuters could not tolerate the frustration of sitting on seats which were constantly shaking, stood up and changed to more comfortable locations.

Of course, everybody hopes to have a pleasant journey on the public transport. As Singapore develops and globalises, the transport system and management should also develop and improve so as to maintain a high quality of living. I hope that SMRT should do a better job to conduct checks and maintenances on the buses as the passengers will be pleased and look forward to enjoy the excellent services in the public transport.

As if I'm writing a complaint letter to the company on behalf of the people. Haha. But whatever I wrote on the above have no offences to anyone.

Haiz.. That's all for today. I will stop my words here.

Revision day

2009-09-08T02:19:00.000-07:00

Today, I went back to school for revision. Don't you think is miraculous? I told myself not to return school for the Sept holidays, however, I promised Terence to meet him in school at 10 in the morning. Oh ya btw, I would like to apologise to 4e3 as I did not go for the group revision yesterday (monday).

Accompanied by Gerald, we three revised Physics in the school canteen where later met Bee Gim and Ying Jie. They also went to school to revise but not in the canteen, in the school library. Enjoying the privileges they had (the air-con), Gerald and Terence were envious about them.

Around 12.45pm, we went to eat. We were not shrewd enough to decide what to eat. Terence proposed to have lunch at a nearby Macdonald's restaurant while Gerald wanted to try a bowl of curry noodles at the nearby hawker centre. He watched a variety show, "qiang tan da xing dong", on Channel 8 last night and came to know that the noodles would be delicious as they look appealing to him after watching it. *jin jin you wei*

Therefore, we were convinced by his description and decided to go for a try. However, when we reached there, we were surprised to see that there was a very long queue. Looks like their business is really fantastic. This shows that after they had participated the show, they did not drain their efforts in bringing good result. Indeed, the show brings up its name as that chicken curry noodle stall really qiang tan. If you want to know more about the variety show, please tune in to Channel 8 every monday evening 8pm (if I'm not wrong). As if I'm the advertiser for that show.

Unfortunately, we did not manage to have a taste on that bowl of noodle because that long queue scared us away. Never mind, there are always have opportunities for us to taste it. Of course when plan A fails, we have to choose plan B. We eventually found ourselves in Jurong Spring CC's Macdonald's restaurant. I think we have a big appetite plus our stomach were groaning, we ordered the latest Mega Mac meals. Gerald and Terence tried the Mega McSpicy while I ordered the Mega Mac (a bigger Big Mac).

We were astonished to see our burgers really in MEGA sizes when we first opened the boxes. We had difficulties eating the burger ( 'cos they are big) in the way we usually eat. By splitting them out, we definitely be able to eat in a more simple way. *like duh*

Now, let's see some pictures I took:

Gerald's double layers of McSpicy's patties

My burger which may make you feel repulsive.

This was taken after I had eaten some layers of it.

These meals were served along with a packet of shaker fries. After we had filled our stomachs, we went to wash our oily hands at the nearby washrooms. On the way back, Gerald and Terence spotted Edmond, Jun Teck, Jia Wen and Jing Fu at the badminton courts in the CC's main hall. We went to take our bags and joined them for a game of badminton.

By the time was three in the afternoon, we were perspiring, especially me, perspiring heavily. That was a good game against Edmond and Jun Teck.

Haiz.. time to finish up this post. Today, I had revised a bit of Physics which will continue to do so as I would say Physics is one of the scariest subject. I have to assure distinction in this subject as I have been investing money on it (tuition). Btw, tomorrow I have to attend school as Mdm Yeo has to go through the answers for our Physics Paper 2. I doubt I will score well in this paper which I did not complete the last question.

Music uploaded

2009-09-07T03:13:00.000-07:00

I just got the codes from mixpod.com for some music. The songs are actually in MV forms, hence you will be listening to some weird sounds and voices. Moreover, I know that some songs do not seem appealing to you especially they are in Chinese or Korean languages which you may not be able to understand the lyrics. Fine, just that I like it, all right?

Nvm, just try to let yourself into listening to some international songs. Hope that you will enjoy and appreciate them.

Back to blogging

2009-09-05T08:41:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I had put up the last post which was more than a year ago. Getting bored, I decided to blog again. This is actually my second blog. My first blog was somehow 'disappeared' after that blog site had reformed and relocated.

It has been a day after trying to upload a blogskin from blogskins.com which was totally futile. I'm not sure why that problem keeps on resurfacing again which I experienced last year when I was administering the class blog. Never succeed once ever in my life. That is really stupid for me.

That's all for today. I will be updating and improving this blog again when I'm free during the September holidays.

theChickenWing has gone...

2007-07-19T04:54:00.000-07:00

Great news.. the 'Chicken Wing' has not come for few days..
Last seen at that time scolding us about who has locked the door .. that was super funny...